he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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