so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
