doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
