everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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