She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
