Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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