hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
