I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
