I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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