I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.