OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
