I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
