he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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