half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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