It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
