maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
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just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
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Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
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