I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
