I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
