So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
