just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
