Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
