I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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