Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
