We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
