Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
