just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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