Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
