Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
