trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
