next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
