Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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