My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
