I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
