dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
