Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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