he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
