My first STD was from a foam party
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
