I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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