Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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