Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
