I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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