I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
