He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
