so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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