you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
