I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
