This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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