Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
