Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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