if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Porn is love you can see.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
