Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
