the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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