I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
