You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize