The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
